


i'm not sick but i'm not well

by badAquatic, orphan_account



Series: Trailerstuck [40]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Family Secrets, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Human/Troll Relationship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Organized Crime, Original Character(s), Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sexual Slavery, Therapy, Troll Culture, Troll Mafia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 13:05:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri deals with the aftermath of what happened to Karkat and faces the demons in his past. </p><p>Takes place immediately after "things fall apart" and "the appetite comes with eating".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the thirteenth hour

**== >Be the other mutantblood  **

 

You’ve been writing since last night. The mobilehive is a sauna, but you’ve shut the windows so you can ignore Mirth Gras music blared by the neighbors. You miss Kurloz plucking his banjo strings with Rufioh but he’s at ‘work’.

Work. What a joke. You know from the face paint and money that he has to be working with the Brotherhood again. You remember when the purpleblood tried to go straight with his life but it looks like he’s given up. Once a member, always a member. You only got out because of luck; luck, rage, and the strength you always carried with you finally showing up. The catalyst you remember well: the fate of the eggs. The most appalling and triggering thing you could imagine. And remembering your triggered anger increases the speed of your keystrokes. You’ll have to edit this monstrosity late into the night but right now you’re working out fears stirred up by Dirk not a few hours ago.

You had just messaged him because you were calm and your mind finally clear of every triggering Karkat had said.

 

\--caringGnostic[CG] began trolling timaeusTestified[TT]!--

 

CG: I kn9w its 6een a while since we last sp9ke 6ut I think we sh9uld attempt t9 have a c9nversati9n. After all, y9u are g9ing t9 6e raising 9ne 9f my grandchildren.

TT: I was under the impression you didn’t like me.

CG: Its n9t that I d9n’t like y9u, Dirk. My mind just ass9ciates all Trussians with my father which causes my mind t9 veer straight int9 unfriendly territ9ry. I kn9w y9u aren’t a 6ad pers9n. Its just harder t9 make my mind learn that. It’s a very difficult thing that I’m still trying t9 c9nquer.

TT: Uh huh. What do you know about the Merry Meet Maid Service?

CG: What n9w?

TT: You know what I said.

CG: Its just that. Well. The name takes a minute t9 recall. 6ut if mem9ry serves, Cap9ne 9wns m9st, if n9t all, 9f the maid service 6usinesses within New Jack City. The 6iggest tell tale sign is if Lutec9re is involved.

TT: Lutecore?

CG: Lutec9re is a shell c9mpany created 6y NE6i9 f9r tax fraudulence, al9ng with 6eing a filter to mesh dirty with m9ney with legally 96tained funds. All their pr9ducts are pr9duced 6y Clean H9riz9ns. NE6i9 in itself is shady, as are all massive c9rps.

TT: I know. I’ve run afoul of calorie and corpsmen before.

CG: Why ask me this?

TT: Karkat was hired by one of these companies.

CG: What?!

CG: Terezi didn’t say anything a69ut it.

TT: I think she didn’t want to trigger you as you’ve been in a ‘delicate mood’ according to her.

CG: I’m fine! Karkat’s n9t the 9ne wh9’s g9ing t9 6e fine! If Cap9ne finds 9ut that any 9f my children are there, he’ll take them and…and 9h g9ds. 9h g9ds, Dirk. My 6a6y. My p99r little gru6!

TT: Kankri.

CG: Yes?

TT: Take a deep breath, Kankri.

CG: I…I am.

CG: I’m scared, Dirk. I wish I c9uld g9 there and 6ring him 6ack.

TT: We both know you can’t do that, Kankri. Capone would have you grabbed too and then both Karkat and you would be screwed over.   

CG: S9 what sh9uld I d9?

TT: Just stay calm and let me handle this.

CG: Alright…

 

\--timaeusTestified[TT] ceased trolling caringGnostic[CG]!--

 

Since then you’d been a nervous wreck all over again but you’re containing it. Maintaining it. Writing is ebbing those fears.

You peek out the window. Kurloz hasn’t returned home and so far hasn’t brought anyone home who’d recognize you. You wonder if they’d even remember you or if you blended in. You spent most of your time with Capone but you know the others by nicknames and dealings. Capone. _Il Grasso,_ The Grease, because of his slicked back hair fortified with rubber cement. Raiola. _La Tuta,_ The Suit, because of his love of expensive designer suits. Stabia. _La Taglierina,_ The Cutter, because he used to be a farm boy who castrated beasts and still cut off the bulges of those who failed or wronged him. Vinnie Makara. _Le Ruote,_ The Wheels, because of his love of fancy foreign cars. Behind his back, he was called _Scimmia Stronzo,_ Ape Fucker.

You are alone in your home. Terezi went across the street to comfort Dave. You know Dave has challenges that he doesn’t like to tell others about; private things only shared with Terezi. You wonder if they would be pale, considering how close they were throughout childhood. They must have kissed at some point.

You hate yourself for not being there for Karkat; for not facing Capone. But going to the Manor would be signing your own missing person’s report. He’s enough of an asshole to give you a sadistic choice of letting Karkat go at your own expense. Or he’ll double cross you both and ship you to Brazitlim; sucking sex tourist bulge for UTC boons, Braziltim reelso, or Trussian crauble.

So you wait. You wait all night. You watch news reports about people demanding the city do something about the gang violence before being immediately hushed up with cheerful news about the cute goatdiles at the petting zoo at the Mirth Gras fairgrounds. The baking contest. The dog parade. Anything to keep the tourists happy. You write about being involved with your gym teacher. The gym teacher was a fling but Capone was the real thing. You slept with him because he told you he liked having you around. Thought you were beautiful. Said he needed you. 

Only now, as an adult, you realize he never once said ‘flush you’. He always said ‘need you’. You were an object; a commodity. It twists your stomach to think your self-esteem was once so horribly low.

The hours pass. You move between the couch and the window, watching for any sign of Dirk. Eventually, the Strider truck pulls up the drive way. Dirk steps out, carrying an unconscious Karkat. Make up has been washed off his face and he’s wearing a long shirt.

“Did they hurt him?” you ask Dirk in Old Alternian.

“Only mentally. You know how they are and what they do.” Dirk responds in Old Alternian, “They had him with the other slaves so they weren’t getting ready to ship him right away.”

“I should have warned him.” You chew your bottom lip, “I’ll do my best to take care of my son. Thank you, Dirk.”

“It’s the least I could do.” Dirk says, “Your father is someone I’ve always respected. If you are so fearful of that bastard, why not strengthen yourself? You could easily lose weight if you wanted.”

“I think I have too many…emotional issues for that to work out,” You sigh. You incline your head. “Once again, Dirk…thank you.”

“Think nothing of it.” Dirk says, and leaves your home.

You’re an expert in caring for the abused. You strip off Karkat’s clothes and give him a bath, riding him of the remaining mascara, make-up, and perfume. The smell will only trigger his memories of that place. You put a large oversized shirt on him from when you were pregnant and place him up in the living room.

When you wake Karkat up, he’s frightened and silent. You coax him into taking an abortifacient. Karkat is silent the entire time and staring at the wall. You try to talk but you can’t tell if he’s listening.

You wish you could reassure him that Capone would pay for his crimes but you can’t. The man is a crime lord with lawyers and more resources than you could dream of. You know Bustil will be shredding all paper work concerning the workers. Her assistants Ataxia and Kismas will deny they ever worked there. Its why they took the iHusks and wallets; to destroy old identities and use bank accounts and money for fraud.

You don’t know what to say. For once, you think a lecture is inappropriate, and what can you even say? You never wanted this for your son.  

You wish it had been you.

You wish your father was still alive to comfort him but your drunken hallucinations are wrong and your father lies six feet under. Karkat doesn’t say a word to you. He goes to the bathroom and you give him space because the pills must be working.

Your thoughts are too loud and rattling to ignore. You return to your husktop.

 

\--caringGnostic[CG] began trolling crabbyConquistador[CC]!--

 

CG: Dirk f9und Karkat and 6r9ught him h9me.

CC: oh my cod! finally!

CC: hows crabcakes? is he alright? 38(

CC: i swear if those fuckfaces hurt my nephew i’ll shove my 2xdent up their wastechutes! 3>8[

CG: He’s 6een…sexually assaulted. I d9n’t kn9w h9w he’s handling it. I…d9n’t kn9w what t9 d9.

CC: hold on a sec kanks

CC: lemme get the other parents in here everybodys freaking out royal about lil kitkat

CG: Alright.

 

\--crabbyConquistador[CC] started chat group Kitkat Has Returned!--

\--crabbyConquistador[CC] has invited caringGnostic[CG], amorousCollector[AC], guilefulActor[GA], cursoryAquarium[CA], arachnesGlory[AG], taciturnClown[TC], gracefullyCompetent[GC], criticalTrooper[CT], and arborealTamer[AT]!--

 

CA: kan vwhats going on vwith my baby? is he okay?!

AC: (=；ェ；=)< PLEASE SAY HE IS OKAY

AG: Everyone calm down. I’m sure Kankri wouldn’t contact us with just 8ad news.

CT: 8=D< There’s no implication its good either.

GA: Always the pessimist.

CG: Karkat is here with me. Dirk l9cated him at Cap9ne’s Man9r and had him released.

TC: I KNEW HED BE THERE

CC: yeah thanks kur even though you FUCKIN WORK FOR T)(E BASTARD 3>8[

TC: JUST BECAUSE I WORK FOR HIM DOESNT MEAN I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT SHIT

TC: SEXUAL SLAVERY IS DISGUSTING AND ITS A DRAIN OF RESOURCES AND MONEY

CC: uh huh yeah right considerin who your dad is 3>8(

GA: O+ur father is many things but the enslaving o+f specific hemo+types just fo+r sex was against his principles. He preferred just to+ have certain peo+ple to+ have sex with, no+t just prey o+n a gro+up.

CG: (My father t99 actually, and that s9unds hyp9critical c9ming fr9m him.)

TC: HE NEVER SAID THAT TO ME

GA: Yo+u never bo+thered asking.

TC: IT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT

AC:  ヽ(=^`Д´^=)ノ<YOU TWO STOP IT AND LET KANKRI TALK

CC: yeah you two can have your twincest pitchflirting later 38P

TC: I AM NOT PITCHFLIRTING

CG: Karkat was assaulted s9 he is…in a state of trauma and fragility. I gave him an a69rtifacient s9 that’s 9ne less thing t9 w9rry a69ut. N9w I’m just w9rried a69ut h9w he’ll react and…deal with this f9r the rest 9f his life.

AC: (=ＴェＴ=)< POOR THING!

CT: 8=D< Do you think he’ll be fine?

CG: I d9n’t kn9w. Are any of us experts in trauma and mutant6l99d tr9ll psych9l9gy?

CC: not me

AG: I know adolescent psychology and have enough experience teaching to know teenagers and their emotional issues.

AT: what do you th1nk, s1s…?

AG: I think Karkat is 8ound to go the same route as Tavros has and will minimize or suppress the incident. 8ut Karkat and Tavros wear their feelings on their sleeves. Its easy to tell when something’s trou8ling them. Most likely Karkat is already giving off signs of anxiety and feeling helpless.   

CG: He’s g9ne completely. It’s…unsettling. I 6lame myself f9r this. I sh9uld have taught him t9 pr9tect himself.

GC: s3lf bl4ming 1sn’t go1ng to h3lp k4rk4t, k4nkr1. r1ght now, you should b3 worry1ng 4bout h1s m3nt4l h34lth. do3sn’t your f4m1ly h4v3 a high 1ncid3nc3 of d3pr3ss1on?

CG: Yes.

CC: our father had depression for a really long time and a problem with substance abuse

CC: i had a substance abuse problem myself when i was pregnant with Gamzee

GA: When yo+u couple in ou+r father being bipo+lar, it do+esn’t serve to make a go+o+d chemical mix in either yo+u o+r Karkat.

CG: Huh?

TC: WHAT

CA: what

GC: 1 kn3w 1t!

TC: WAIT

TC: WHAT

GA: What?

TC: DAD IS…BIPOLAR

GA: Yes. I do+n’t kno+w the specifics but I believe he’s type o+ne.

TC: WHAT

CG: Huh. That makes a surprising am9unt 9f sense.

AT: ser1ously…?

GA: Yes.

TC: WHY WASNT I TOLD THIS

GA: Because yo+u wo+uldn’t care and because its o+ne o+f tho+se things that I suspected but didn’t co+nfirm until recently...?

TC: PORRIM DONT MOTHERFUCKING DROP DRAMA BOMBS LIKE THAT AND THEN JUST BRUSH IT OFF

TC: THOUGH A LOT JUST GOT EXPLAINED RIGHT NOW

CC: i knew there was something imbalance in the ghbs thought sponge 3>8/

GC: 4ccord1ng to wh4t my moth3r told m3 4bout h1m when h3 w4s younger, h3 w4s 4 lot wors3.

CG: I shudder t9 imagine what that was like.

GA: My po+int is, Kankri, yo+u sho+uld enco+urage Karkat to+ seek psychiatric help fro+m a tro+ll specialist as so+o+n po+ssible.

CG: I’ll have t9 check my 6udget. Therapists are n9t cheap and tr9ll therapists are c9nsidered specialists. I d9n’t want t9 take Karkat t9 someone wh9’ll just d9pe him up.

AT: same for tav but we can’t let them fester w1th the1r problems or 1t comes out 1n weird ways…

CG: Weird like what?

CT: 8=D < Like Tavros almost breaking my TV because he heard some band.

AT: the troll beast1e boys…he has a we1rd avers1on to 1t…l1ke he e1ther freaks out gets really strange…

GA: And o+h go+ds the smo+king. I pity his po+o+r lungs.

CG: Is it that 6ad?

CC: gamzee said its becomin too much for him

CC: quote “like kissin a ash tray” 38*

TC: DAMN SON

AG: You know, group psychotherapy costs less and there are mental health centers in East New Jack. Kankri, why don’t you, Karkat, and Tavros do a group thing? ::::)

CG: Why that s9unds like a g99d…wait. Why d9 I have t9 g9?

AT: …well…

AG: Um…

TC: YOU GOT ISSUES MAN

CG: Like y9u have any right t9 talk a69ut issues, 9edipus.

TC: SAME TO YOU ELECTRA

CG: I am n9t Electra, y9u fuck!

TC: COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE BULGEBITER

CG: If I wasn’t caring f9r my s9n I’d already 6e there, fuckface.

AT: stop 1t...you two try1ng to be p1tch 1sn’t why we’re talk1ng here…

CG: H9ld 9n. Karkat is c9ming 9ut 9f the 6athr99m. I’ll give the rest of y9u an update 9n things.

 

Karkat staggers from the bathroom, holding his stomach and looking pale. You smile at him. “How are you feeling? Sick?” He doesn’t respond. You help him to your bedroom and have him lay down on your daybed. Purging a troll’s system of anything is never easy. You try to comfort him; you really do try but you end up making him upset all over again.

He needs his moirail. You leave the room and message Terezi.

 

\--caringGnostic[CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]!--

 

CG: Terezi? Are y9u awake?

GC: 1’M UP K4NKR1.

GC: WH4T 1S 1T?

CG: Dirk 6r9ught Karkat 6ack. 

GC: 1S 1T…B4D?

CG: Its…well…

CG: It may take a few m9nths t9 get 9ver s9mething like this 9r it c9uld be years. 9r he c9uld never get 9ver this and just 6ec9me a 6r9ken wreck and shell 9f the pers9n he 9nce was.

CG: I c9uldn’t protect my s9n, Terezi. I never can. I’m a failure, as a parent and a tr9ll.

CG: H9w c9uld y9u c9nsider having gru6s with me?

GC: K4NKR1 TH1S 1SN’T YOUR F4ULT

CG: Yes, it is!

CG: My father t9ld me years ag9 I sh9uld have all9wed Karkat t9 learn pr9per self defense, as with myself, 6ut I was afraid 9f my high6l99d genetics causing pr96lems. I’m always t99 afraid, Terezi. T99 afraid and t99 late t9 d9 the right thing.  

CG: And n9w the 9thers wants me t9 try gr9up therapy with Tavr9s, Karkat, and myself…

CG: …Terezi, d9 y9u think I need therapy?

GC: Y3S

CG: Really?

GC: YOU H4V3 4 LOT OF 1SSU3S W1TH 4NG3R 4ND YOUR F4TH3R 1 TH1NK B3FOR3 YOU G3T OV3R TH4T YOU SHOULD T4LK W1TH SOM3ON3 WHO H4S 4 N3UTR4L PO1NT OF V13W

GC: YOU S33M TO PL4C3 4 LOT OF BL4M3 ON YOUR F4TH3R BUT FROM WH4T 1’V3 R34D 1N YOUR D14R13S TH4T’S NOT TH3 C4S3

GC: YOU 4ND 1 BOTH KNOW NOW TH4T W1THOUT YOUR F4TH3R YOU WOULD ST1LL B3 TR4PP3D 1N TH4T 4WFUL PL4C3

CG: …

CG I kn9w 6ut…what’s the p9int? My father is dead and even if he wasn’t dead there’s n9 way he w9uld f9rgive 9r talk t9 me. I pr9mised him that I w9uldn’t fail t9 pr9tect Karkat. If he were alive t9day, he w9uld 6eat me senseless and I w9uldn’t 6lame him f9r it.

GC: K4NKR1, BL4M1NG YOURS3LF 1SN’T GO1NG TO H3LP K4RK4T. 1 TH1NK YOUR F4TH3R WOULD B3 1MPR3SS3D 1F YOU MOV3D FORW4RD W1TH YOUR L1F3 4ND GOT OV3R YOUR 4NG3R TOW4RDS H1M

CG: D9…y9u really think I c9uld d9 that? I’ve failed s9 many times in the past…

GC: YOU D1DN’T H4V3 4 M4T3SPR1T TO 3NCOUR4G3 YOU 4ND H3LP YOU. 1 KNOW YOU C4N DO TH1S.

CG:  I just d9n’t kn9w a69ut c9unseling. I d9n’t want t9 6e drugged up 9r l9cked up. Y9u kn9w h9w pe9ple with high6l99d in them are treated…

GC:  YOU’R3 NOT GO1NG TO B3 LOCK3D UP, K4NKR1. YOU’R3 GO1NG TO T4LK 1N 4 GROUP 4BOUT YOUR 1SSU3S 4ND NO ON3 B3S1D3S TH3 THR33 OF YOU H4V3 TO KNOW HOW YOU F33L.

CG: I’m n9t sure h9w gr9up therapy w9uld g9. Karkat’s n9t f9nd 9f me 9r Tavr9s. Tavr9s isn’t f9nd 9f either 9f us. I’m neutral 9n Tavr9s and I’m w9rried a69ut Karkat.

GC: YOU N3V3R KNOW. 1’LL B3 OV3R SOON.

CG: Alright

 

\-- caringGnostic[CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]! --

 

Karkat is wrapped up in a blanket. He’s back to mutenesss so you leave him alone. You go to the kitchen and make tea for your drier-than-normal throat. Its all you can do now. 


	2. talking it out

Since the incident, you watch Karkat closely. He spends the next week inside the Strider mobilehive. You can’t blame his paranoia with the tourists. On Monday, he carpools with Dirk for his job. He won’t take the bus. You had messaged Dirk earlier about transporting Karkat.

 

CG: Y9u d9n’t have t9 d9 this. I c9uld drive Karkat.

TT: Its easier for me to drive him. Karkat trusts me and are you even allowed to drive?

CG:…I have several m9re h9urs 9f AA t9 g9 6ef9re I’m all9wed t9 6e retested.

TT: So there’s really nothing you can do Kankri but offer moral support.

CG: I d9n’t feel like I’m d9ing en9ugh f9r my s9n. If I was my father, I’d g9 and kick the ever living shit 9ut 9f Cap9ne.

TT: Kankri, we both know the Signless wouldn’t do that. For one thing, its too risky even for him. Secondly, the Brotherhood and other gangs live by the code of “don’t start shit, there won’t be no shit”. If you go in there looking for a fight, they will definitely make an example of you. Thirdly, your strength is emotional support. Not physical.

CG: Always cutting t9 the quick with y9u…

TT: That’s what swords are for.

CG: I see.

CG: Are y9u sure Karkat is g9ing t9 6e 9kay? I trust Sergei t9 the extent 9ne can trust s9me9ne like…him, 6ut I d9 w9rry a69ut him.

TT: Karkat is a mutantblood who’s been exploited by coldbloods and the corrupt New Jack judiciary system. He’ll be among allies there. It may do you good to talk with them as well.

CG: I d9n’t kn9w. I’ve f9rg9tten any c9nversati9nal Trussian I learned, Dirk.

TT: You’re not that stupid, Kankri. You never really forget Trussian.

TT: Have you picked out a date for your group therapy?

CG: Yes…

CG: Aranea says that they have an 9pening at the center this Friday evening. Aradia’s c9axed Tavr9s int9 g9ing…and Terezi has talked Karkat and me int9 g9ing.

CG: I still d9n’t kn9w. My father never needed this s9rt 9f help. Y9u never needed it and y9u d9 fine.

TT: That’s not true. I just don’t show or mention any troubles I have. I have Jake for that.

CG: Is he excited to 6e a father?

TT: He already is one. Jade is his daughter from an affair in his past that has caught up with him in real time.

CG: Really n9w? Well. H9w d9 y9u feel a69ut that?

TT: Indifferent. There are things in my past I may be unaware of.

CG: Like the Lal9nde girl, y9u mean?

TT: …

 

\--timaeusTestified[TT] ceased trolling caringGnostic[CG]!--

 

That reaction confirmed your long held suspicions. Dirk and Jake are the only humans you interact with. During your drunken binges, you rarely spoke or associated with anyone. Terezi says now is the time to start socializing, so you do.

 

\--caringGnostic[CG] began trolling tipsyGnostic[TG]!!--

 

CG: R9xy, are y9u there?

TG: yeah im here trying to rid this computer of all these viruses and maybe installing some more memory

CG: Drumming up m9re 6usiness?

TG: well I was always into computers but with the gang war going on I gotta slow things down or I get a lot of assholes bothering me with shit I ain’t a part of

CG: I never underst99d why y9u were an esc9rt when y9u c9uld g9 int9 technical w9rk.

TG: cause njcc taxes the shit out of businesses so I’m building up revenue. plus sleeping with brotherhood thugs has the advantage of letting me keep my ear to the ground

TG: you know how chatty they are :P

CG: 9h m9st definitely. 6ut y9u’ve 6een s96er f9r a while n9w. Why are y9u still g9ing t9 AA?

TG: cause i still get the temptation to drink sometime and I need the reminder of why i don’t do it and why i need to stop after one

CG: 6ecause 9ne turns int9 three…

TG: and then three turns into me getting careless negligent drunk like when rosie was little

CG: I d9n’t think y9u ever explained the cause 9f y9ur drinking in AA, at least n9t while I was there. Was it 6ecause 9f the div9rce fr9m y9ur assh9le ex-hus6and?

TG: he wasnt an asshole and the divorce didn’t make me drink

TG: i really thought about it and i think it was just the stress of being in a strange new environment and being shit poor and having NOTHING so we had to start from scratch and i didn’t live off my ex’s pity

TG: and after all the things we saw and did in leder we were all sorts of freaked out so we found ways to cope so jane turned to the church and i drank

TG: a lot

CG: Have y9u ever tried getting 6ack in c9ntact with y9ur ex?

TG: nah i dont like askin his help for anything don’t want any old feelings stirring back up

TG: how are you doing?

CG: I have a gr9up therapy sessi9n scheduled this Friday. I’m n9t l99king f9rward t9 it.

TG: group therapy is rly good kk

CG: I kn9w. I’m just scared. Scared 9f 6eing l9cked away 9r l969t9mized.

TG: youre not gonna be locked away! this is just group counseling

CG: Its hard t9 make my mind n9t hate that. I kn9w its irrati9nal 6ut I can’t st9p my mind fr9m making that c9mparis9n.

TG: i know its hard when your brains screwing you over but you gotta hang in there kk :(

CG: I kn9w. I’m trying.

TG: tbh tho im surprised youre still talking to me

CG: Why w9uldn’t I talk t9 y9u?

TG: well im an escort and i was sleeping with your matesprit :/

CG: Cr9nus and I weren’t really matesprits. He was with me t9 get his father 9ff his 6ack and then he stayed with me 9ut 9f guilt. I had n9 pr96lem with him sleeping with y9u. It seemed rather expectant, as when Cr9nus was y9ung he was part 9f the “humankin” su6culture when he was a teen.

CG: I’m m9re surprised y9u never had a s9lid relati9nship. He seemed t9 like y9u.

TG: well first off theres like a super huge difference between havin a type and havin a species fetish

TG: my escort persona and the real me are different ppl

TG: escort roxy’s head is as empty as a flowerpot while real roxy is a computer programmer and crack shot

CG: Real R9xy s9unds like a l9t m9re fun.

TG: :3

CG: Y9u kn9w my sister Meenah is single and her previ9us matesprit was human. I think she c9uld stand t9 have a 6it m9re em9ti9nal supp9rt in her life.

TG: idk i never considered her being interested in me and its been ages since i dated

CG: There’s n9 time like the present.

TG: youre right i should try talkin to her :3

CG: G99d idea. Take care 9f y9urself, R9xy.

TG: you too Kankri :)

 

\--caringGnostic[CG] ceased trolling tipsyGnostic[TG]!--

 

You take a deep breath. Time to face your demons.

At the center, you’re a bundle of skittish nerves but you’re not showing it. You are the calm ocean that hides the turbulent volcano thousands of feet below. You can tell Tavros is fighting the urge to smoke. Karkat is stiff and silent, trying very hard not to be noticed. If he could fold into himself he’d be an origami crab right now.   

Your mediator is a jadeblood with broad horns, muscular physique and toothy smile. “Good evening. My name is Vindem and I will be mediating this session.” she says, “I will be using my iHusk to transliterate what is said here just to clarify things for the records. Does anyone have a problem with that?”

“No.” Tavros mutters.

“Not really.” Karkat admits.

You shake your head.

“Now I must stress that anything said in this room is private and talking about anything mentioned here is against the rules.” Vindem says, “This is a safe place and I want you to feel safe. Is there anyone here that might feel uneasy around the other?”

The three of you shake your heads.

“Anyone want to go first?” Vindem asks. None of you speak up so the jadeblood shrugs, “Then I guess I’ll choose.”

Vindem chooses Tavros. Tavros pries his anxieties open and the confident swagger evaporates, revealing the nervous wreck underneath. An hour goes by and you wonder what in the hell is still holding this kid together. The pressure under the surface is monstrous: a past abusive relationship, an accidental pregnancy, an ex-con matesprit, and an overshadowing fear of the past being repeated if a second pregnancy occurred.

“I caused this. I caused all of this.” Tavros admits, too exhausted for tears. “I caused the gang war that’s killing people weekly.”

He talks about the terrible things he saw in the streets of New Jack. How he saw a man overdose on a bad soporin mix. In his voice, you hear your past. The words you found scrawled underneath the coffee table of the hidden brothel that was your home for almost a year. Scratched in with a knife, you read, _I am Godzilla. I crushed 300,000 under my feet._ The slogan that became your mantra in the coming months once you realized what you had done.

Vindem is now comforting Tavros, telling him that he was only a pawn in a greater game. You know the Brotherhood’s tense relations with the UBK. They were a punk gang to the Brotherhood; children with guns and drugs.

“We’ll wipe ‘em clean.” Raiola told you one night. He let the country-boy twang slip into his words when he was alone and had no one to impress. “We’ll make sure those fucks won’t have a leg to stand on. Those gun-toting _cafone_ are no match for us. We’ll cut off their bulges and show everyone what _puttana_ they really are.”

Raiola was nothing but confidant about his grand schemes and future plans, when you always thought he should be worrying about the present. Of course you never said that. You gave him a sweet smile and asked if he’d see you again.

After Tavros’s confession, you have a break. Tavros is shaky and leaves the building for the designated smoke area outside. When he returns, Karkat and him talk. You hear words of apology and genuine concern, so you leave them alone. You go to the break room and get parmesan dusted popcorn from a vending machine. Your mouth is beyond the description of dry. Not just parched but dusty.

The session resumes after the break. Karkat is eager to talk next. His body language has been anxious the entire time. Its hardest listening to him because its your fault he’s in this condition. Karkat doesn’t talk about talk about you though. He brings up your father and his feeling like a disappointment. He talks about living with Dave and having Jade around.

He talks about a complicated relationship with an unnamed female.   

“It’s not like I don’t like her,” he admits, “I _do_ like her. Maybe even love her. The issue is…I don’t feel worth her time. She deserves the best in the world, not some ruined, overweight troll.”

He doesn’t tell Vindem who the troll in question is but Tavros and you share a glance. Karkat wears his feelings on his sleeve. Your son doesn’t break down into tears like Tavros did when he recounts the reason he’s here. His sadness dried up, leaving a troll who’s afraid and aloof of everything. The comfort Vindem offers is miniscule but you can see the ease on Karkat’s face as she tells him that he is not alone and his reaction is normal. She insists that he still maintain a relationship with this troll he cares about so much but you know it’s easier said than done.

There’s another break. Karkat and Tavros talk, on occasion hearing the names ‘Gamzee’ and ‘Dave’. You can’t tell if its gossip or concerned about quadrants.

When the break is over, it is your turn. You can’t be silent any longer. You promised Terezi you would try. 


	3. down the rabbit hole

As your time comes closer, you feel mentally close to what you must say but physically distant. Your body is drifts and your mind is standstill. You struggle to control your expressions, like pulling strings on a far off puppet. You try to keep your body language relaxed, try to contain your nervousness as you check and double-check entrances and exits. Your old fears gnaw at you. Karkat and Tavros look at you not with unease but curiosity. They only know slivers of your story.

You see yourself not as Kankri talking to the jadeblood but as Kankri, sitting in the audience and watching your pathetic shell speak. The intro music that plays while people take their seats sharply cuts off. The curtain rises. The hot lights go up. You await your the cue.

 

VINDEM: kankri, you’Ve been quiet all eVening. are you ready to talk?

YOU: …

VINDEM: kankri?

YOU: …yes.

VINDEM: VVell, let’s start then

VINDEM: it says here you’Ve already been to psychological counseling in the past

YOU: Yes.

VINDEM: VVhen VVas this?

YOU: Years ag9. I was in high sch99l. Juni9r year. 

VINDEM: VVhat happened?

YOU: I tried t9 thr9w myself 9ff the sch99l 6uilding.

VINDEM: VVhy did you do that?

YOU: I hated myself. A l9t.

VINDEM: VVas there are a pretext for this?

YOU: Yes. A l9t 9f things happened…6ef9re that.

VINDEM: VVhy don’t you start there?

YOU: …alright.

 

You launch into great detail about the tipping point: disobeying your father and going to Mirth Gras. You watched the parade of krewes and the locals mingle with the tourists. You lingered at the bars, sipping unguarded alcohol. It was too much for you at age fifteen and you made several poor choices. One of your poor choices was having sex with an older man.

 

VINDEM: did he drug you?

YOU: N9. I was drunk and had incredi6ly l9w self-esteem. The w9rk was already d9ne f9r him. He flattered me with h9w I l99ked and since I was 6arely thinking, he was a6le t9 talk me int9 g9ing t9 the 6ackseat 9f his car s9 he c9uld fuck me.

VINDEM: VVhen did you recognize him?

YOU: When he was paying me, 6ut he didn’t rec9gnize me. I think he assumed I was an9ther Squal9r 6rat l99king f9r quick 699ns. F9r years his name’s eluded me 6ut 9nly n9w I remem6er: Acusma. My physical educati9n teacher.

VINDEM: VVhat happened afterVVards?

YOU: I ran 9ff h9me, feeling em6arrassed and cheap 6ecause I’d thr9wn away my celi6acy with a man I 6arely knew. It wasn’t until the next day at sch99l, Acusma rec9gnized me. He 6r9ught me int9 his 9ffice and instead 9f shaming me…he flattered me. He emphasized pretty I was and it was a shame I didn’t sh9w it 9ff m9re 9ften. That there was n9 p9int in hiding 6ehind a celi6ate façade when I was just nerv9us and shy. He said he wanted t9 see me again 6ecause I had, as he put it, ‘talent’. It was all lies, 9f c9urse, t9 get int9 my pants.

VINDEM: and you didn’t realize that then?

YOU: N9, 6ecause I had never 6een c9mplimented 6ef9re. I grew up with my m9ther wh9…well, I’m the 9ffspring 9f rape. S9 he didn’t make his dislike a secret. He hated me and I hated him. He l9ved d9gs and c9mplete strangers m9re than he l9ved me. S9 when this 9lder adult gave me attenti9n I had never experienced 6ef9re – ever – I resp9nded eagerly.

VINDEM: you VVere seeking a parental figure.

YOU: It was m9re like I was seeking appr9val fr9m any9ne. I was incredi6ly l9nely. I didn’t have friends, just ass9ciates. S9 I fell f9r Acusma easily. He’d menti9n h9w pretty and intelligent I was and I’d spread my legs.

VINDEM: VVhy didn’t anyone say anything? surely your father or someone else at the school noticed you VVere spending a lot more time than usual VVith a teacher?

YOU: N9. This was in the days 6ef9re student-teacher scandals weren’t a c9ncern am9ng tr9lls. If y9u weren’t human, the NJPD wasn’t g9ing t9 care. They shut d9wn M9mary 9ssten after it was f9und 9ut they were cheating 9n the NJAPA, s9 my situati9n fell thr9ugh the cracks.

VINDEM: so VVhat happened?

YOU: Things with Acusma went 9n f9r a few weeks, 6ut then he g9t 69red and realized I c9uld have a 6etter use. Y9u see, Acusma was the nephew 9f Rai9la, wh9 is third in c9mmand in the Capric9rn 6r9therh99d. Acusma planned to use me as 6ait t9 c9nvince Rai9la t9 let him m9re int9 the gang, s9 he held a party at his place and invited the t9p 69sses 9f the 6r9therh99d.

YOU: Rai9la had little interest in me, 6ut Cap9ne immediately t99k t9 me. He gave me m9re attenti9n and things than Acusma ever did, esta6lishing a ‘relati9nship’ if y9u c9uld call it that.

VINDEM: i…see. this man, capone. is he still around?

YOU: Yes. He is a pr9minent 6usinessman in New Jack and 9wns several st9res and nightclu6s, 6ut he is als9 a crime l9rd and a repulsive pers9n. He has never 6een tried f9r his crimes and I suspect, never will 6e.

VINDEM: hoVV do capone and acusma tie into your suicide attempt?

YOU: Well…part 9f the issue was that my father w9uldn’t stand f9r the kind 9f relati9nship I was in. It was expl9itative and a6usive 6ut I didn’t see it that way. I th9ught Cap9ne genuinely flushed me. S9 I packed my 6ags and left. What did he care? He never paid me attenti9n.

VINDEM: but you VVent back.

YOU: Yes…I went 6ack.

VINDEM: and he VVelcomed you back?

YOU: …yes.

VINDEM: isn’t that proof that your father cared about you?

YOU: He 9nly did it 6ecause I was incredi6ly pathetic. It was either he take me in 9r I was g9ing t9 6e an9ther c9rpse in Aniline End.

VINDEM: so he didn’t protect you?

YOU: …

VINDEM: kankri?

YOU: …when I managed t9 escape, Cap9ne didn’t want t9 let me g9. After all, if 9ne wh9re c9uld get 9ut, 9thers might get it int9 their head that they c9uld escape t99. Acusma had all my inf9rmati9n s9 they tracked me d9wn. They went t9 my h9use and…I was afraid. I hid the entire time. My father was d9wnstairs with n9thing 6ut a sh9tgun and a sickle…

VINDEM: …VVhat happened exactly?

YOU: He…survived. Th9ugh 9ur m96ilehive was damaged with 6ullet h9les and he risked several himself, in the end Cap9ne’s 69ys decided I wasn’t w9rth the tr9u6le. I was petrified inside 9f my ‘safe r99m’. H9urs later, my father came t9 my r99m and t9ld me that it was alright and he…

YOU: …

VINDEM: VVhat then kankri?

YOU: …

VINDEM: kankri, this is safe place. its okay to speak your mind here.

YOU: …he…hugged me…?

VINDEM: is there something VVrong VVith that?

YOU: Its just that…I’m remem6ering it n9w. Y9u see, I was an alc9h9lic f9r many years, s9 my mem9ry 9f certain things are muddled and f9ggy. 6ut n9w I’m remem6ering that was…the 9nly time my father held me. He held me…and said I was safe…

VINDEM: did you learn to loVe your father?

YOU: What? N9. I still c9uldn’t stand him 6ut it was different. He made it 96vi9us that he…had 6een w9rried a69ut me. Even a little. We g9t cl9ser. M9re caligin9us…and…

YOU: We c9nceived a child. I f9und 9ut I was pregnant and I…freaked 9ut. I remem6ered everything that had happened t9 me in 9ne terri6le crashing wave. I was 9verwhelmed and afraid. I tried n9t t9 think a69ut it. I really tried! 6ut it was…an all c9nsuming th9ught. All th9se eggs I laid and they must have 6een eaten…I just. I was 96sessed with the th9ught.

YOU: 9ver and 9ver again I wr9te it. The message I f9und carved int9 9ne 9f the ta6les in the 6r9thel: “I am G9dzilla. I crushed 300,000 under my feet.” I wr9te it 9n everything I 9wned. My text699ks. My n9te699ks. My h9mew9rk. 9utside I was calm, inside a st9rm raged in me. I w9ndered h9w s9me9ne as awful as me c9uld stand t9 6ring an9ther life int9 this w9rld and I just…it…

YOU: I-I knew where Acusma kept his things. He’d 6een ‘rel9cated’ recently, 6ut his 9ffice was still the same as they hadn’t hired a new teacher. I t99k the keys t9 the r99ft9p. I went there and tried t9…end it all. I th9ught that n9 9ne w9uld n9tice. N9 9ne ever n9ticed me 6ef9re s9 why n9w? 6ut s9me9ne did s9 I wasn’t a6le t9 quickly and quietly die like I wanted…

VINDEM: you VVent through a Very traumatic experience, kankri. its normal for you to feel slightly oVerwhelmed and emotionally unstable.

YOU: Still I…

 

Your eyes are stinging. You’re drifting closer to the edge of the stage, looking at your teary eyes. You’re so tired looking, so worn out, run over, and blistered like you’ve been left on the road in the blazing sun. 

 

YOU: …I sh9uld have d9ne s9mething. I sh9uld have realized what w9uld have happened t9 th9se eggs. I sh9uld have g9ne t9 the p9lice…and things 9nly g9t w9rse. My sec9nd egg was smashed. My father died. I failed him…and w9rst 9f all I hurt…I hurt Karkat…

VINDEM: kankri, its alright. you’Ve made a lot of progress. you’re sober noVV. you’re employed, haVe a loVing matesprit, and you’re pulling your life together,

YOU: R-right…I just…e-excuse me…

 

You exit stage right, leaving one stage for another. Your eyes are moist. You find some solace in the bathroom, muffling your sniffling. 


	4. do the stitching

 

“As you know, therapy is no quick-fix solution.” Vindem says at the end of your session. “Therapy is a long arduous process. There are always setbacks. Often it feels like nothing is being accomplished, but then there’s that moment of true accomplishment that lets you know it was all worth it. All you three have to do is stay on the right path and never forget how far you’ve come.”

It’s Hallmark feel-good fluff she’s spouting, but you all need it. You feel drained, parched; energy and moisture sucked out of you via words and tears. Change is never easy; even a compromise can be more tiring than surrender. After your near-suicide, your father kept you close. You hid in your room, afraid of the future and everything that would come with it. Your father would visit you but not know what to say or do about it.

“How do you not feel afraid?” you asked him once, “How do you…change what’s been ingrained in you?” You refused to hear any talk of being examined by head doctors. You had heard too many horror stories about misdiagnosed and lobotomized trolls.

Your father wasn’t agitated, though he had every right to be so. Instead of scowling, he sat next to you. He put his arm around you and said calmly, “The God of Time’s Clockworks splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from stem to thorax and then plunges a huge molten hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out and the _pain_ …” He sighed, as if he’s suffering from his own words, “We can’t even talk about that. And then he stuffs them back in, dirty, tangled, and torn.”

You’re his inversion; a soft, pudgy, hopeless troll. You can’t look at him as he concludes his short sermon: “It’s up to you to do the stitching.”

That was the only advice he ever gave you. You had to get up and walk around; just mangled guts pretending everything was alright. A pity that it didn’t work for long; that your own stitching loosened and you fell apart all over again. You went down into the rabbit-hole of despair and self-loathing, with forgotten and soporifically watery memories for company. Acusma pushed you down that hole the first time but you crawled out even as Capone and his ilk tried to keep you in. Then Dualscar shoved you in and you didn’t get out for years.

Serves the old bastard right that he died so dishonorably: frail, sick, dependent on Eridan who shamefully supported him. You pity Eridan’s situation but honestly? You feel no attachment to him. You care but its difficult when Eridan has Dualscar’s chin and eyes; his wry sense of humor and easily frothed over anger.  

You’re walking out of the building when realize you have become your father. The only difference is that you gave Eridan away. Maybe your mind knew what would happen if you kept him.

Karkat is following after you. “Dad. Hold on. I…want to talk to you.”

You look at your son as Tavros leaves the center, approaching Aradia and Sollux. Its night and Terezi is waiting for you in the parking lot with Cronus.

“About all those things you said…” Karkat mutters, but he can’t complete the thought.

You sigh and pat him on the shoulder. “How about you, Meenah, and me fix up the old derby car?”  

Karkat stares at you. “Seriously?”

You shrug. “Is there a reason we shouldn’t?”

Karkat shakes his head. “No, it sounds like fun.”

You smile and go to Terezi. You hug her and Cronus, then fall asleep on the car ride home. Once you’re home, you crawl into the recuparcoon and don’t get out until its early morning. You write more about your life as a mob boss sex toy. You don’t know when you’ll be done writing it.

You open Trollichum.

 

\--calmGnostic[CG] began trolling crabbyConquistador[CC]!--

 

CG: Are y9u awake?

CC: yea

CG: Its 9dd. We used t9 talk t9 each 9ther all the time at this h9ur when we were y9ung.

CC: but back then we whispered through the manor walls

CG: D9 y9u ever miss the man9r?

CC: no it was too large and spooky

CC: plus there was a lot of illegal stuff going on even without the ghb rampage, the swamp expanding, the monsoon, and economic bubble hadn’t burst, other problems would have started up 38/

CG: The expansi9n 9f the swamp and the m9ns99n’s extreme effect was less the fault 9f Darkleer and the land devel9pers actually.

CC: really?

CG: It makes sense if y9u understand the climate. Darkleer Man9r was created 9n marshland. The devel9pment 9f the land, cutting d9wn the trees, 6l9cking up estuaries, and setting in piping upset things. Water ran int9 certain sp9ts, stagnated, and 9verfl9wed. T9 c9mp9und this pr96lem was the rem9val 9f the trees, which 6uffered the heavy rains and st9rms c9mm9n t9 the western Canzian c9ast.

CC: why do you know all of this…?

CG: 6ecause f9r m9st 9f my life, I had n9 real friends and n9 understanding 9f h9w t9 make them. S9 I read and wr9te t9 pretend I had c9mpany. I even drew a l9ving family 9n my 6edr99m wall 6ecause I was s9 pathetically al9ne.

CC: its not that way anymore

CG: Yes. N9w I’m 6ack t9 square 9ne. Up and d9wn em9ti9nally with l9ng stretches 9f sadness and paran9id av9idance 9f my anger. The 9nly difference n9w is that I have an9ther child 9n the way t9 care f9r.

CC: you know you’re not alone in this

CG: I kn9w that…

CG: May I ask y9u a questi9n?

CC: what is it?

CG:  M9ther was at Dualscar’s funeral. Why didn’t y9u say anything?

CC: …

CC: yeah, i knew it was her

CC: she didn’t want to be recognized though imagine the commotion there’d be if the condesce was spotted in a shitty canzian trailer park

CG: Admittedly, it s9unds like s9mething 9ut 9f a very imaginative ta6l9id.

CG: 6ut still I w9nder why she didn’t at least…say g99d6ye t9 me.

CC: kankri, mom only got attached to you cause fuschiabloods kill their hemokin when they’re young that’s why she left so abruptly

CC: and mom’s from a different generation even if you met her now, she wouldn’t give you the kind of affection you want

CC: you’re an adult not a cute chubby kit

CG: …I kn9w. I think 6ecause I was never held as a kit after she left that its s9mething I still desperately crave, even as an adult. 9r may6e the chemicals in my 6rain want to latch onto a h9pe as it alleviates my depressive sympt9ms.

CC: have you tried exercising? maybe losing weight would help your mood disorder

CG: I av9id physical fitness in pu6lic settings as it 6rings up…unpleasant mem9ries. And I’m afraid 9f aggressi9n as 69th my parents have anger issues and 6eing physically str9ng w9uld make things w9rse.

CC: if you’re afraid, you should learn to take control

CG: May6e. I just d9n’t want t9 trigger my inner high6l99d. They’ve sh9wn up 6ef9re.

CC: when was that?

CG: During my escape fr9m Cap9ne and slavery.

CG: I f9und 9ut s9mething…very unsav9ry a69ut their 6usiness and…flipped 9ut. Vi9lently. In that m9ment, I was my real father’s s9n. My real father. I 6r9ught d9wn tw9 high6l99ds and fled the place I was in. I stayed under the radar l9ng en9ugh t9 get 6ack t9 my h9me. Father f9und me in the 6ackyard, hiding am9ngst 6ushes.

CC: so that’s how you escaped

CG: Yes. I supp9se I sh9uld thank my high6l99d side f9r helping me f9r 9nce.

CG: Admittedly, I realized t9day that all my experiences have helped me understand father 6etter. The difficulties I face with Eridan must have been the difficulties he faced with me. Sadly, its t99 late t9 try t9 re6uild dead 6ridges.

CC: what would you do if dad was still alive? 38(

CG: I think…it w9uld 6e 6est if I maintained distance. I’m still learning t9 f9rgive him 6ut I d9u6t he w9uld f9rgive me 9r y9u f9r the trespasses 9f the past. At m9st, I w9uld still tease him a69ut his white hair. Even th9ugh he did l99k hands9me with it.

CC: you really miss him huh?

CG: He was the first, 6est, and 9nly kismesis I ever had. I’ll always remem6er him f9r that, 6ut we all have t9 m9ve 9n.

CC: do you seriously think you could pitch kurloz?

CG: I sh9uld give it a try. I can’t pitch 9ur dead father.

CC: i don’t think it’s a good idea

CG: Why n9t?

CC: because of your past history with purplebloods are you sure you won’t trigger a bad memory?

CG: Ins9far Kurl9z has never triggered me. I think my mind views him differently 6ecause I grew up with him. It is same in that Cr9nus d9es n9t trigger me 6ut Eridan d9es.

CC: yeah but kurloz’s back with the brotherhood and you were recently attacked by a purpleblood who was never caught

CG: N9, they were caught and let g9. I kn9w wh9 it is.      

CC: you do?

CG: Yes. I’ve kn9wn f9r a while n9w.

CC: then why haven’t you said anythin or told the police? 3>8(

CG: That pers9n kn9ws I kn9w their identity and have kept quiet. I h9ld their fate 9ver their head, 6ecause if I tell the NJPD, they’ll g9 6ack t9 pris9n and never get 9ut.

CC: …oh god, Kankri. I’m so fucking sorry.

CG: There’s n9thing t9 6e s9rry a69ut.

CC: but still…if he did that to you…

CG: Its taken care 9f, Meenah. Anyways, I want t9 start entering dem9liti9n der6y races again.

CC: what? seriously? i thought you said you were over that?

CG: It was m9re like I was t99 upset with my father t9 d9 it, 6ut n9w I miss it. Karkat wants in t99. There’s tw9 m9nths 9f summer left. We w9uldn’t 6e a6le t9 d9 any 9f the maj9r circuits 6ut we c9uld start 9ut l9cal and small.

CC: S)(-ELLZ Y-EAH! it’d have to be around our work schedules though 38D

CG: 9f c9urse, 6ut I think it’ll 6e w9rth it.

CC: yesssss! the red hellfish is back! 3XD

CG: Hell yeah it is. 

 

\-- caringGnostic[CG] ceased trolling crabbyConquistador[CC]!--

 

You could have ended the story day; concluded your day on a hopeful note for the future. Instead, the mischief maker in you convinces you to send another message.

 

\--caringGnostic[CG] began trolling taciturnClown[TC]--

 

CG: D9ing anything interesting, mime?

TC: IF YOURE HERE TO BITCH AT ME ABOUT THE BROTHERHOOD I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT FATASS

CG: Aren’t we gr9uchy t9day?

TC: FUCK YOU

CG: I think I want t9 have a talk. We c9uld sit 9n the 6ack p9rch and talk a69ut literature.

TC: …

TC: THIS IS A FUCKING TRICK

CG: It is n9t. I pr9mise. I just th9ught that we c9uld actually talk f9r a change. When was the last time we did that?

TC: HOW ABOUT NEVER SINCE YOUR FATHER HATED ME HATED GHB AND HATED MOST THINGS

CG: Well he’s n9t ar9und anym9re and y9u’re my half-6r9ther. We sh9uld try t9 6e m9re familial. Y9u knew I was y9ur half-6r9ther this entire time, didn’t y9u?

TC: …

TC: I HAD A HUNCH YOU WERE BECAUSE OF YOUR ANGER BUT IT WASNT CONFIRMED UNTIL NOW

CG: S9 what’s the harm in us talking? Y9u make it s9und like a terri6le disaster will happen.

TC: …

TC: NOT AT MY PLACE

CG: Why?

TC: CAPONE IS WHY

TC: I WORK FOR THE FUCK AND HE NEVER LOST INTEREST IN YOU

CG: Gr9ss. D9esn’t he waste en9ugh 9f the 6r9therh99d’s res9urces 9n his harem?

TC: ITS OBNOXIOUS AND IT SUCKS UP MORE AND MORE MONEY EVERY YEAR

CG: The pr9fit the 6r9therh99d makes fr9m selling eggs, 699tlegs, and drugs is always cl9se t9 6eing 9ffset 6y h9w expensive and lavish Cap9ne and his ass9ciates are, n9t t9 exclude the c9rp9litical 6ri6es, f99d, water, and 9ther res9urces that g9 t9wards maintaining the egg selling 6usiness.

TC: HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THIS

CG: We 69th kn9w Cap9ne and his pals never shut up. They think its alright t9 talk in fr9nt 9f the wh9res and they w9n’t care 9r pick up Nehetalian. I was c9mpletely panwashed 6ut I was smarter than they th9ught.

TC: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR USUAL TEASE THE HIGHBLOOD ANTICS

CG: 6ecause I suddenly remem6er h9w a real pitch is supp9sed t9 6ehave and 6ecause I think y9u sh9uld 6e wary 9f Cap9ne. He’s n9t the 9ne t9 t9lerate s9me9ne “6el9w” him sh9wing him up 9r having 6etter ideas.

TC: I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BUT FINE

TC: ILL COME OVER IF YOU WANT

CG: N9 sex th9ugh.

TC: SUDDENLY YOURE A WHORE WITH PRINCIPLES

CG: I’m n9t a wh9re. I’d just rather n9t jump t9 the sex part.

TC: IF YOU THINK YOU CAN RESIST

CG: I 6et I c9uld g9 9n a sex fast l9nger than y9u c9uld. I went f9r years with9ut sex. What’s y9ur rec9rd? Tw9 weeks? A m9nth?

TC: WOULDNT YOU LIKE TO KNOW SLUT

CG: That I w9uld.

 

\--calmGnostic[CG] ceased trolling taciturnClown[TC]!--

 

You don’t want to rouse too much hatred. Just a little to stir the fire and then leave it alone. Its not an official pitch yet; just a testing the purple waters.

 

 


End file.
